Body Count: Do You Know How Many People You’ve Slept With?

Tucked away in a top secret location, handwritten using my favorite writing utensil (a Pilot Pen Precise V7 roller ball ink pen) on a titleless sheet of paper torn from a legal size notepad is a list of everyone I’ve ever had sex with.

Yep. I keep a list – and yes, it’s numbered.

And on days when I’m bored, I like to pull out that document (I’m thisclose to having it notarized), scan the names and take a leisurely stroll down memory lane.

I’ve managed to keep a mental note of what all the symbols mean. For example, there are asterisks, stars, happy faces, sad faces, dollar signs (no, I don’t sell it on the weekends…lol), pluses, minuses and acronyms that all mean something.

What? Too much?

Hey, shoot me for wanting to keep inventory of my hoshit. I bet you know how much money you have in your checking account right now. Or how many miles are on your car. Or the amount of calories you’ve consumed so far today. Why should your number of sexual conquests be any different? Besides, I wouldn’t want to be at a loss for words like Samantha Jones in the clip above, if/when my doctor asked me the dreaded question.

But it raises the questions: If asked, would you be able to spew out your body count? Furthermore, is it ever okay for someone to ask you how many people you’ve slept with?

Years ago, when I was much younger and my number was (ahem) considerably lower, I thought it was cute to grill folks on how many people they’ve slept with. I’d find some kind of way to slip in the question and the conversation would almost always go south.

When you think about it, it’s a ridiculously loaded question. If the person answers too high, you think s/he is a player, slutty and too promiscuous. If the person answers too low, is s/he too inexperienced, a tease and in need of being coddled?

Who’s to say what’s considered too many partners, anyway? It’s so subjective and so many variables are involved: Age. Gender. Religion. Upbringing. Sexual orientation. Where you were raised (rural farm? major metropolitan city?). Where you were educated (home schooled? All girls Catholic school? Public school?). The possibilities are endless.

I say, as long as folks play safe and are forthcoming when it comes to their HIV status and other STD results, who cares if the dude you’re dating used to run trains on girls in college?

Well. Wait a minute. That may be a stretch. But you get what I’m saying!

So if your list can fit on a Post-It note: good for you!

If you’ve got to flip your legal sized sheet of paper over and start writing on the back to continue your list (O__O): go on and wave your freak flag high!

Although, if folks start turning up on your list nameless, or you find yourself referring to people you’ve bedded as “the dude with the panther tattoo on his chest who lives in the projects” or “the girl with the annoying ass voice who was in town on business from Chicago” then it may be time for you to reevaluate your priorities.

And if you’ve lost count and the thought of even having a list makes you laugh out loud…well…more power to you, homie. #NoJudgement

Tell me: do you know your number? Like right off the top of your head? Or do you keep a list tucked away to use as a reference?

Do you think it’s inappropriate to ask someone how many people they’ve had sex with? Is a high body count a deal breaker? Do you think you’re entitled to know how many people your boo smooshed before you came along?

Or are there just some things people need not know?

Talk to me.

I’d love to hear your number thoughts.


Perhaps more people should adopt this method

 

  • max

    I started to leave a really detailed comment, but then I realized that it would be extremely bad for business for me to say what I was about to say on the internet.

    So I'ma be coy for now and say "we'll talk about it when you come to Toronto" 🙂

  • I definitely know my body count and keep it tucked away with me everywhere I go. lol… I think you should know your count for obvious reason, but…how else will you be able accurately lie about you number if you dont' know the real number. LOL! I like to reminisce on my all star team and the cringe at the bench warmers. LOL!!! I kid kid 😉

  • Urbane Urbanite

    @Max: Yessssss. I'm going to hold you to that!

  • Urbane Urbanite

    @The Fab Chick: All Star team?!? Bench Warmers?!?! *faints*

  • Anonymous

    Hmmm…I don't like being asked that question at ALL, and would never think to ask.
    I really don't care about a person's number, the past is the past and there's nothing that can change it…besides, everyone is someone's ex.
    Also, I know that asking will only open both of us up to some level of judgment (intentional or unintentional).

    Oh, but yeah, I have

  • Anonymous

    So about this number G. . can we redefine it to count the number we've had actual intercourse with, with penetration? And exclude those regaling partners we just participated in 4play/played with? Because then my number will go way way down and I can resume my saintly throne and look down at you h0es. and be all like. .

    get like you? NAW get like me! Jesus. . C, Jesus. . C
    (

  • Anonymous

    ^previous comment not meant to imply that EITHER type of activity is Jesus-like. We all fall short.

  • Anonymous

    This is a new "anonymous" person. Let's call me Andy.
    My intercourse number would be pretty low–especially for a guy–but my "foreplay and fun" number might be up there. i mean really up there… like in the 60s? I once compiled a list and each time I thought I was done, I had a new name. It hasn't been maintained in awhile. I may try to find the list or

  • hmmm I need to create a list

  • cree

    yes i too have said list(kept in a keepsake box along w/ my blood type and birth certificate)and it is on a post-it note…granted i write really, REALLY small and have rows but that's neither here nor there. i do know the number but do i remember all of the experiences…no. but who doesn't want to forget the bad and the what the hell was i thinking. since my ho days are over (i think) i

  • Jose

    testing

  • Urbane Urbanite

    @cree

    LMAO! You holding on tight to that Post-It note I see! LOL

  • lol. this post rocks (and that picture…LMAOOOO).

    i have a notebook. in that notebook has a list. a list never shared with anyone. will never see the light of day.

    i believe in keeping that number to oneself. especially as a female, no matter how empowered, any number can be subject for future scrutiny and labeling. all my past, present and future mates need to know is

  • I have my list and different variations of it all over the place lol. Having said that, i don't particularly see why people care how many people someone has slept with. What we should be asking is do you get tested, do u use protection (and no the rhythm method doesn't count) do you have anything (herpes, HIV, a baby…), etc.
    And when it comes to asking people, particularly someone

  • Urbane Urbanite

    @LadyNgo
    LOL @ "a baby." And you're right, if I felt that I was going to be judged by my number, I'd definitely skim a little off the top! LOL

  • Urbane Urbanite

    @keisha brown
    I've got about 2 or 3 friends who know my number. That's it. It's fun to get together with that person and talk about who stands out from the rest of the folks on the list!