Body Count: Do You Know How Many People You’ve Slept With?
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Tucked away in a top secret location, handwritten using my favorite writing utensil (a Pilot Pen Precise V7 roller ball ink pen) on a titleless sheet of paper torn from a legal size notepad is a list of everyone I’ve ever had sex with.
Yep. I keep a list – and yes, it’s numbered.
And on days when I’m bored, I like to pull out that document (I’m thisclose to having it notarized), scan the names and take a leisurely stroll down memory lane.
I’ve managed to keep a mental note of what all the symbols mean. For example, there are asterisks, stars, happy faces, sad faces, dollar signs (no, I don’t sell it on the weekends…lol), pluses, minuses and acronyms that all mean something.
What? Too much?
Hey, shoot me for wanting to keep inventory of my hoshit. I bet you know how much money you have in your checking account right now. Or how many miles are on your car. Or the amount of calories you’ve consumed so far today. Why should your number of sexual conquests be any different? Besides, I wouldn’t want to be at a loss for words like Samantha Jones in the clip above, if/when my doctor asked me the dreaded question.
But it raises the questions: If asked, would you be able to spew out your body count? Furthermore, is it ever okay for someone to ask you how many people you’ve slept with?
Years ago, when I was much younger and my number was (ahem) considerably lower, I thought it was cute to grill folks on how many people they’ve slept with. I’d find some kind of way to slip in the question and the conversation would almost always go south.
When you think about it, it’s a ridiculously loaded question. If the person answers too high, you think s/he is a player, slutty and too promiscuous. If the person answers too low, is s/he too inexperienced, a tease and in need of being coddled?
Who’s to say what’s considered too many partners, anyway? It’s so subjective and so many variables are involved: Age. Gender. Religion. Upbringing. Sexual orientation. Where you were raised (rural farm? major metropolitan city?). Where you were educated (home schooled? All girls Catholic school? Public school?). The possibilities are endless.
I say, as long as folks play safe and are forthcoming when it comes to their HIV status and other STD results, who cares if the dude you’re dating used to run trains on girls in college?
Well. Wait a minute. That may be a stretch. But you get what I’m saying!
So if your list can fit on a Post-It note: good for you!
If you’ve got to flip your legal sized sheet of paper over and start writing on the back to continue your list (O__O): go on and wave your freak flag high!
Although, if folks start turning up on your list nameless, or you find yourself referring to people you’ve bedded as “the dude with the panther tattoo on his chest who lives in the projects” or “the girl with the annoying ass voice who was in town on business from Chicago” then it may be time for you to reevaluate your priorities.
And if you’ve lost count and the thought of even having a list makes you laugh out loud…well…more power to you, homie. #NoJudgement
Tell me: do you know your number? Like right off the top of your head? Or do you keep a list tucked away to use as a reference?
Do you think it’s inappropriate to ask someone how many people they’ve had sex with? Is a high body count a deal breaker? Do you think you’re entitled to know how many people your boo smooshed before you came along?
Or are there just some things people need not know?
Talk to me.
I’d love to hear your
|Perhaps more people should adopt this method|